Stories of the Strange One

location: mi casa XP

mood: awake

music: "Snow(Hey Oh)"

I have two weeks left of summer vacation. Two weeks of fun. Two weeks of boredom. Two weeks of freedom. Two weeks left of my childhood. 

Yep that's right, I'm off to the big college campus in two weeks. It's pretty exciting and terrifying at the same time. I seriously don't feel ready for this new experience. There is still so much I don't know and need to know and the feeling is like someone has booted you out of the 5th grade and you're already sitting in your lecture hall with 100 other students who probably know everything there is to know about the college lifestyle more than I do. AAHH! Not a really good sensation I'm experiencing right now. 

But I feel very fortunate that I am going to college because I also feel like it is a huge blessing for me. It must be fate because God has some plans for me when I go to school. I pray that He will lead me into accomplishing my biggest dreams and to also embrace the different cultures and people at the same time. I hope that He wil also help me to become a strong individual as well....since yeah...I'm timid and sorta have a low self-esteem thing going on. *sigh* It's because my mind always tells me that I already should be a semi-professional when it comes to simply drawing or coloring something or even using Photoshop or Illustrator. 

I thank being a critical musician for that. I've been taught to say to myself at everything I do is, "You know it was good, but it could have been even better." Always putting myself down. Well I do that because I say that there is no such thing as being a perfect musician and if you do have a great amount of talent in it, don't boast or flaunt about it. It'll just make you look more like a douche. Kind of like my music teacher in high school. Some people like him and other don't. For me, it was a little of both. XP I disliked him because he would always tell the first alto in jazz band, "Always tell yourself your the best in the world and that you're better than anyone else on stage." I do believe that when your performing onstage and stuff, but to say it to someone's face....that's just stupid and inconsiderate and I've seen really intelligent people do that. It's disheartening to see that there are people like that in the world; people who don't encourage others to participate in something that's enriching to the soul. 

*sigh* One day our choir class held an audition to sing a solo for the spring concert and my friends were urging me to audition for it, even our pianist! So my music teacher allowed it to me and even regretted it. I knew and everyone else knew that he only wanted his star pupil to be in the limelight once again. This student has been the lead lady for the last three musicals and I've been type casted as an old woman, but somehow I always ended up having fun with my roles. XD Oh yeah back to the audition. So all of us "candidates" sang the solo and it was up to the class to choose who would sing it for the seniors last concert. And guess who it was......me. But guess what else happened, I let the star pupil take the solo, despite the fact that I've been in choir longer than she has and people felt that it would only be right for me to have it because I didn't have a pop-star voice like hers. Well, I wanted to give it to her because she chose this song herself and this was a piece that meant so much to her. You can say my teacher, star pupil, and I had a little pow-wow together about this and we agreed that she was the better singer in reality. I knew it....and I know those two did. I mean, why wouldn't she have cried after seeing that the class didn't want her to sing at all. Wait a minute...I still haven't said why I admire my teacher! XP Well, it's simple.....because he's doing something that he loves with passion and dedication like no other. I applaud him for being someone who wants to share his interest in music to new generations and to also be performing with the greatest in the world like Maynard Ferguson. 

However....well, as you can plainly see that it's so much of a hastle being a musician. And no matter where I go I'll still encounter people who don't want me to sing a solo or play the role of the lead lady in a play or musical. All this time I've always thought that I have to be this super musician because I know I'm good at it. But somehow my heart is not in it. You all may think this is silly but I was inspired to become an artist when I discovered huskie666 and Honovi for the first time when I entered into DA. Furry fandom has really reunited me and my love for art. :3 Oh man, art is something that I know has always touched me but....AGH! it's hard for me to explain a bit. But I know it's where my heart is in right now and I pray everyday that I'll be able to improve and be able to make myself and my family proud of me. So I'm basically starting from scratch and will be trying to work my way to the top. 

Ok.....that's my shpeel for today. XP Sorry if I bored anyone who actually took the time to read all of this. But thank you very much! *huggles* So wish me the best for college!